Skin care

Hello! 

So I managed to submit my assignment yesterday. I was awake the whole night doing that assignment. I was given one week to complete it but (as usual) I only started doing it three days before the due date. That's one of my bad habits. Procrastination! I find it super hard to kick off that habit. Will only start doing any assignment when it's getting nearer to the due date. Very very bad indeed! Do not procrastinate should be on my next resolution! Then after submitting the assignment, I texted my friend. She told me half of the classmates haven't submit theirs and they asked for another few days from our lecturer. At first I thought, oh damn..Tak aci la gitu! But then again, I thought maybe Dr will see the effort I've put in completing the assignment on time? Maybe she will generously give me extra marks? hehe..hope so..

So today I've been sleeping all day long..while I was sleeping I somehow noticed the electricity was out for a few hours and I was sweating like I'm in a sauna. But strangely enough the hot climate and uncomfortable condition didn't bother me at all. I slept like I haven't in a million years. haha..Told mister about this. His response? "Orang kuat tidur memang macam tu.." What can I say..he knows me very well. 

Oh btw, have you guys heard of Safi beauty cream? I'm sure you do (if you're a girl). I heard A LOT of rave about this product. You could just google it and you'll find yourselves endless reviews about this product and I could say almost all of them are positive. It's crazy you know. So being a girl I was super excited to try it! This is because lately I can't help but to notice about my skin condition. It is dark, very dull, with a lot of scars and occasional acne. :(  I blame no one but myself for this. Sometimes I slept without cleansing my face first. This had happened numerous nights. It's not due to laziness but because I often tertidur while I was doing my work. 

Hence upon reading the just-too-good-to-be-true reviews, I got myself the cream!

This is the cream. A small cute case with a green cap. 

Tried this cream last night. My reaction to it? I loathe it! Sadly it makes my skin ridiculously oily. I can't bear the oiliness. Maybe coz my skin is naturally oily, so the cream doesn't suit my skin. I wonder how other people use this. Doesn't it make their skin oily like mine? Too bad for me. People said this cream is magic. It works like wonder. Among the benefits are (from the reviews I've read):
1. It could fade your scars.
2. Get rid (kecutkan) of your acne
3. Whiten your skin
4. Soften your skin
5. many more. can't remember. hehe

So goodbye Safi beauty cream. Unfortunately we don't belong together..May you rest well in the dustbin..

Random rambling

Assalamualaikum. How are you? I hope everyone is fine and as healthy as a horse with your beloved ones. :)

Alhamdullilah I'm still very much alive despite the fact that I am struggling with never ending workload. Even though the semester is going towards the end I still have one more assignment to write and it is to be submitted next week. It is a term paper, actually. Knowing my lecturer, I know very well that the only way to please her and score an A for this subject is to treat this assignment like a thesis. No, I kid you not people. That's just how she is. Her expectation is as high as the blue sky. The thicker your assignment is, the greater chance for you to obtain an A for it. At first I thought 25 pages is enough, but after she mentioned about thickness of our assignment yesterday, I figure I'm gonna have to work my butt off and write at least 50 pages for her. Don't know if I manage to write 50 pages (should be mooooore, actually), will update you guys about that. Oh ya, you should see our take home final examination for that subject. Since it is a take home examination, she took this opportunity to kill us with ridiculously tough questions. You should see them, then you'll believe me. I literally die when I see the questions. Thank God, she is being considerate and thoughtful by giving us sufficient time to complete the take home final exam. But with 5 more examinations to be focused on, I can't helped but to feel burdened and anxious about this. Forgive me, I don't mean to whine like an old woman (I hate whining) because I know there are millions of people out there probably wrestling with bigger problems than mine. This is just part and parcel of students' lives. Sometimes I tell myself, buat master pun macam ni punya susah, how I am going to get hold of a Phd? Phd must be 10 thousand times tougher than this...

Enough with that boring rambling. You must be bored to death listening (or rather reading) me blabbering on my assignments.  Let's move on to a new topic, shall we? Hehe..

I have this one friend. Lets just call her "Bubbly" (yes, she is always so cheerful and lively). Bubbly is an excellent student. She is the 'genius' in the class. She is every lecturer's pet. But recently she's no longer cheerful like before. Being a concerned friend (hehe), I asked her what's wrong. She then told me she is now going through a divorce. That is indeed an awful news. She told me that her husband has cheated on her and has an affair with a much younger girl for two years. Can you imagine that? The affair has been going on for two years and she had no idea whatsoever until her husband decided to end the marriage. To be honest, I feel really sad for her. I can actually feel the pain and relate to the thing that she's going through right now. I'm not yet married (still got a looooong way to go for that to happen) and never been through a painful divorce, but I once lost a mother of my own, I know exactly how it feels when someone dear to your heart, leave you forever. I know how it feels to go sleep at night in tears hoping I won't wake up in the morning or hoping that when I wake up tomorrow, this will all change. That this is just a very horrible nightmare. The loss of my mother cuts deep into my heart to the extend that no one, literally no one could ever fill the emptiness in my heart. When Bubbly spilled me her problem, I was speechless. I didn't really know how to react and how to console her. My mind was running like crazy to find  the best words to soothe her. At last, I nodded and told her "You know what Bubbly, Allah is testing you right now. Maybe He misses you so much that He decided to put you through this hardship so that you remember Him more..I know you are a strong woman, you'll get through this. I'm with you and I love you, Bubbly". She smiled upon hearing those words and asked me to pray for her. 

But that's not just about it. Since the disintegration of her marriage, Bubbly has been a bit 'off' lately. She hardly attends the classes, or if she does attend the class she will be 2 hours late. She also submits the assignments one or two weeks after the due date. If she does that for several times, okay I get it. I can understand that she's going through an emotional turmoil right now. It's hard for her to pull everything off. Okay okay I get it. But for her to be doing that for all classes we have, for all assignments, for the entire semester is totally unacceptable. To my dismay, all of my lecturers didn't say a word even though she's skipped the class for countless times already, even though she didn't submit her assignments on time. Because of why? Because Bubbly is their favorite student. They even said "Bubbly doesn't come to the class again? Oh that's okay. She's a good student". I agreed wholeheartedly that Bubbly is a smart student. Actually, smart is an understatement for her. I think 'gifted' would suit her better. Sometimes I think it's inhuman how brilliant she is! If you're in my class, you'll see why I said that and I bet you'll agree with me. She is gifted with an outstanding mind. Praise to Allah. 

But I think for the lecturers to simply be oblivious of the fact that Bubbly didn't come to class and didn't complete the assignments on time for many many many many times just because Bubbly is a brilliant student is not right. It's not that I don't sympathize for what is happening to her. I do. But I just think she shouldn't  let this conundrum get in her way. Like I said earlier, to be acting like this for a few times is understandable. But for the entire semester? I don't know about you guys. But for me, I don't agree to this to bits. Am I wrong to be having this kind of feeling? Come to think of it,  I think this feeling is stemmed from jealousy. I'm embarrassed to confess but I think I'm jealous towards Bubbly for receiving such special privilege from our lecturers. May Allah forgive me. I pray that Bubbly could face the hurdle and stay strong. InsyaAllah. Amin.  

12.12. 2012

Today is my dad's birthday. Beautiful date, isn't it?

So I text-ed him just now. 

Assalamualaikum ayah..Selamat Hari Lahir. Semoga ayah dipanjangkan umur, murah rezeki, sihat dan gembira selalu di samping keluarga tercinta. Amin. 

Then one second after I hit the send button, I received a call from my dad. 

Here's how the conversation went..

Me: Hello

Dad: Hm. Ada kat mana?

Me: Ada kat Upm sekarang..Ayah sihat? Ma dengan adik sihat?

Dad: Ayah sihat.

Me: Ma sihat? Ma tengah buat ape?

Dad: Tengah buat air.

Me: Adik sihat?

Dad: Adik tengah berlari lari *small laugh*

Me: Hehe..dah besar dah adik..

Dad: Hm.

..........

Dad: Oklah..

Me: Ok ayah.

Me: Selamat Hari Lahir ayah.

Dad: Ok..

End.

So that's it. Nothing else to talk about since we are not very close. Even so, I'm glad he called me. But I should be the one who calls him first. I'm such a horrible daughter, am I? :(

I don't know..it's just so hard for me to pluck the courage to pick up the phone and dial his number. I must change this awful attitude. My relationship with my dad won't improve if i keep being distant. Calling my dad would be my next resolution. So I've decided in an effort to compensate for my wrong doings, I'd call him. Maybe once every two months, for a start? Oh, I guess I should ring my step mom too. I never call her not even once. I'm screwed, isn't it? Truth is, I'd be lying if I say I haven't think about making my relationship with my step mom better, it's just that I don't feel like doing so. We just don't click, you know? Oh well..you must think I need a brainwash, right? But don't get me wrong. Whenever I balik kampung to see her, I would try my very best to mend our relationship. I will suddenly become extra friendly, help her cook, play with my step brother, wake up very early in the morning, laugh at her jokes, become super rajin, and so on. In one word, I'm being nice towards her. 

So how often do you call your parents? 

Sweet tooth

This is one of my favorites. I'm big fan of waffle and so far I think this is the yummiest waffle I've ever had.

Chocolate waffle with ice cream, crushed peanut and chipsmore cookies on top.

As you can see the waffle is quite thick, and is layered with chocolate syrup. The chocolate syrup is just one of a kind! It's so scrumptious and rich, with a hint of milk. Me likey!

But this is only my second time eating this because it's quite pricey (but it was worth it). I only asked for the small one. From now on, no more cakes for me. I only want this for my birthday! I want this when I have a tough day! I want this when I'm sad, mad, moody, depress..This will definitely cheer me up in a second. :)

Those who have a strong liking for sweet foods, you guys have to try this. You can find it at Waffle Stop, Alamanda.

Bad day

Yesterday was a hellish day.

My laptop broke down.

It may sound like hyperbole, but to be having this kind of problem especially at the end of the semester is such a pain in the ass. 

Excuse the language. I was so upset.

I even burst  into tears when I called mister. Sounds ridiculous to be crying over misbehave laptop, right?

But that's how depressed I was. I have tons of assignments to do, all to be submitted next week, and this is not the time to act up. 

Unfortunately, mister was in Tanjung Malim. I had to wait for him to finish his job. 

I was lying in bed the whole day despite the heavy workloads.

Mister only arrived at Upm around 7.30pm.

It was already 8.45pm when we arrived at PAS.

Luckily mister managed to persuade the guy to fix my laptop and get it done by that night.

Reached home around 12pm. 

Everything was fine with my laptop except I couldn't connect to the internet.

Oh my..

Called mister to tell him and burst into tears AGAIN. hahaha..

I'm usually not this "cengeng". I guess the pressure, the workload is finally taking it's toll on me. 

Mister asked me to be patient and promised me he will fix it tomorrow.

But me, with all the pressure, the anxiety and worry of not being able to complete my assignments on time, couldn't be patient any longer.

So we had a fight. A big one. And it was because of me. 

I pity mister. I feel guilty towards him. Sometimes I treat him the way he didn't deserve to. 

He rushed towards Serdang from Tanjung Malim because of me. 

He even declined when his friends asked him to come and join them makan durian.

He has been so tolerant and forgiving with my terrible behaviour. 

But me, kepala angin sangat. Panas baran. Tak penyabar. :( 

I know it's not enough to simply say sorry, but I'm truly sorry..

Today mister had an interview in Subang. He came to see me right after he was done with it.

Alhamdulilah my laptop is working fine now. I pray it will stay this way, at least after I'm done with work. 

Another hellish day, but at least I have someone I can talk to, I can depend to.

Even though sometimes I feel I rely too much on him, making him my security blanket. 

It's not healthy..but I love it. I guess all of us feel secure about the fact that there is someone in this world who loves us, makes us happy, makes life beautiful, fun, and just awesome, can make all the troubles in the world melt away with one look or smile. :)

Crunchy Tempura King Prawns

Not as tasty as it seems/advertised.

Super muak.

Felt like eating cheese instead of pizza.

First and definitely last time. 

p/s: Love garlic bread, always have and always will. :)

Nightmare

The first nightmare I had when I was 18 years old. I had a dream that my mother died. Obviously that was very shocking and in the dream I was crying a lot and couldn't believe it was true. I woke up and found that my face and my pillow were drenched in my tears. Since that painful dream, I kept thinking about that dream. I felt strange because the whole thing seemed so real. I told myself it was just a dream. But that was not the worst thing that happened.

The worst thing that happened was my mom died not long after I had that dream...She's really gone just like in my dream..Leaving me and my brothers and sister behind..To be honest, I knew all along that the dream I had was something else..It was like God was trying to tell me that it's going to happen and that He wanted me to prepare for the time to come..and yes, that was I did. Of course I wasn't prepared for that, but I savored every minute, every last second I spent with her. Even she's gone now, I know I will always be able to see and hear her, because she's treasured deep in my heart. 

Last night marked the second worst nightmare I've ever had. This time around, my dad died. Again, it was very shocking and terrifying. In the dream, I couldn't stop crying because I can't believe what's happened. I've lost my mom and now I lost my dad?? I was outraged by that to the extend I questioned God. I thought God wasn't being fair to me, to us. I don't think I could live any longer if He takes my dad..I know me and my dad, we don't have that kind of close father-daughter relationship like everyone else because my father and my mom were separated when I was a little child. After the divorce, I lived with my mom and I rarely saw him. Growing up without a father..it's sucked..but having a wonderful mom like my own, was a bliss. 

Even though we barely ever talk to each other, I love him. Even though I never show it to him, I do love him.   Even though he never asks me, "how are you?', "how's your grade"?, "how's your study?", "do you have enough money?", etc..I still love him. Even though I never call him, I love him. I just couldn't imagine my life without him..not after my mom died. Ya Allah, please..

I feel so sad!

Last night before I hit the sack, out of boredom I browsed through my old pictures. Then I found these three photos of me from last year, if I'm not mistaken.

Then I suddenly realized how different I am now. Different, in a bad kind of way. Saya gemuk sekarang! Pipi saya sangat tembam! Don't believe me?

Seeeeeee!!! This photo was taken yesterday! I look so f***** fat! Clearly this is not perasan gemuk ke apa. Oh God, what have I done? Rasa sedih sangat!! First,second and third pictures tu nampak bentuk dagu saya kan, then fourth picture, poof it's gone! Look at the size of my cheeks as well! Obviously there are truckloads of fat in them! Sedih sangat sampai rasa nak menangis! To be honest before this 'tragic discovery' I've already noticed that I've gained some monstrous weight. I went from 45kg to 50kg and I can't fit into some of my clothes and jeans. But at the time, I thought it was not a big deal since I was quite flat at that time. I reckoned it's a good thing for me to gain some baby fat coz I always adored and wanted curvier body instead of flat one.

However this recent photo proof I'm wrong. This is totally not okay. Having noticed this significant difference, I no longer feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel ugly and most importantly, I don't feel good about myself. I know I have to do something, diet, exercise, bla bla bla..The problem is I am lazy. And I find it super difficult to control my appetite. I guess I digest too fast thus making me hungry all the time. And I also aware that whenever I'm hungry, I feel like my head is clogged and I can't think and focus. Thus, I resort to munching. Biscuits, coco crunch, snacks, you name it.

Nevertheless despite all the lame excuses, I have to do something. I know I have to. I must to. 

Maybe I can start ditching my obese cheeks by doing these exercises:

1. Profoundly pronounce the letters X-O a lot of times.

2. Open your mouth as around and wide as you can for a few seconds and then relax it. Do it about 30 times a day, in 3 different sessions–morning, midday and evening.

(Taken from Tips on How to Lose Weight from your Cheeks, WikiHow)

Latest addiction

Oh God, I think I'm in love with her. How can she be so stunningly beautiful and her voice is just so amazing! I can't stop listening to her. I literally listen to her songs every day. Every single day since I discovered her. I can't stop checking out her tumblr just to see her (stalker much?). I even worried if this is normal. Please tell me that this is perfectly normal, that I'm just going through a phase. I basically love everything about her. Her hair, her make up, her clothes, her voice even her nails. She has this vintage look and I've always adore vintage style! Her clothes are so feminine, sophisticated and generally fabulous. 

Now you see why I love her? 

Not a movie day

We were supposed to watch Skyfall today. 

I was looking forward to this day since last week. I put my best dress on, I even stuffed my face with foundation, something that I rarely do. Hehe..That's how thrilled I was to see mister today. Both of us haven't got much time to spend together lately. Me pretty much occupied with classes and assignments, mister with his work and photography job. 

But then on our way to Sunway Piramid, I got a sudden severe headache. My head was constantly banging like crazy. I even feel like I want to throw up. 

Mister suggested I should have something to eat so off we went to a nearby restaurant. Usually I will drool upon seeing my favorite dishes like ikan pari bakar, ikan keli masak pedas, masak lemak cili api, but not this time around. I only managed to eat half of my rice. 

Thus instead of going to the cinema, we went to massage. Best decision ever. Hehe

Both of us opted for full body massage and it costs us each Rm60. Quite reasonable I think?

The massage was good. It felt really nice. I think I had fallen in love with the sensation of having a massage. Might go there again every now and then. Oh, the masseuse told me I had a lot of "angin", that explains the sudden headache. She advised me not to drink cold drinks (I love cold drinks :( ) as she said they could kecutkan your sendi, but I guess it's okay to consume it occasionally. She also gave me a loooong lecture about the importance of taking care of our body and skin while we are still young. At last I bought a box of cocoa collagen from her. 

Balik2 terus searched reviews about this product. I was surprised to see there are lotssss of positive reviews about this cocoa collagen. Can't wait to try it!

Snowie

I finally got my driving license at the end of last year.
I didn't thought I could pass the test because I was so freaking bad at driving.
But I did. Syukur Alhamdulilah. I was over the moon!

Then without thinking twice I bought a car, I thought it be a lot easier for me to go anywhere instead of riding public transportation. I named him Snowie. I love him so much but to be honest, after buying the car I can't help but to feel a pang of regret in my heart. It's because I'm afraid to ride it. My family and mister told me it's just a matter of time. Sooner or later, with constant practice I'll be able to drive the car. That's what I told myself as well. I even apologized to Snowie for having that kind of thought. I don't want him to feel dejected.

Things were slowly getting better between me and Snowie. I rode him to class everyday. Still, I don't have the courage to drive him outside my university campus yet. Boo..

Then on one hellish day on my way back from class, I accidentally hit a car with my Snowie. The car was nicely parked and I, being a reckless driver hit its bumper. Being super panic and terrified of what had happened, I drove as far as I can from that car. So I think this can be considered as hit and run case. God..

Snowie after the accident:

Thank God mister is willing to switch his car with mine. So now I drive his Viva and Snowie's with him. Viva is so much smaller compared to my Snowie and I find that I am more comfortable driving Viva than my Snowie. Im sorry Snowie, I didn't mean to hurt you. Since that scary tragedy, I never drive Snowie. I guess it will take some time for me to pluck up a courage to drive my Snowie again. To the owner of the car I hit, my deepest sorry for what happened. I tried to look for you but hadn't found your car ever since. 

I miss blogging

Rindu nak berblog! Gosh, lama gila tak update blog..it has been one year!

Then out of nowhere suddenly tonight rasa macam nak update blog.. :)

Assalamualaikum semua. I hope all of you are doing fine. As for me, Alhamdulilah, doing fine and good at the moment, even though life has been quite hectic lately. I am now doing my masters in Universiti Putra Malaysia. The journey of getting masters apparently is indeed very challenging and full of strains. It's not easy, you know. Especially doing a course that is completely different from your degree. I pray that I can finish my masters on time and get at least 3.75 cgpa. Amin!

Currently I am in my mid term break...even though i got lotssss of assignments to do, I choose to ignore them for a little while..and I've been sleeping all day today (literally). hehe..

Tonight I'm going to stay up all night, eating snacks and watching movies!