Nightmare

The first nightmare I had when I was 18 years old. I had a dream that my mother died. Obviously that was very shocking and in the dream I was crying a lot and couldn't believe it was true. I woke up and found that my face and my pillow were drenched in my tears. Since that painful dream, I kept thinking about that dream. I felt strange because the whole thing seemed so real. I told myself it was just a dream. But that was not the worst thing that happened.

The worst thing that happened was my mom died not long after I had that dream...She's really gone just like in my dream..Leaving me and my brothers and sister behind..To be honest, I knew all along that the dream I had was something else..It was like God was trying to tell me that it's going to happen and that He wanted me to prepare for the time to come..and yes, that was I did. Of course I wasn't prepared for that, but I savored every minute, every last second I spent with her. Even she's gone now, I know I will always be able to see and hear her, because she's treasured deep in my heart. 

Last night marked the second worst nightmare I've ever had. This time around, my dad died. Again, it was very shocking and terrifying. In the dream, I couldn't stop crying because I can't believe what's happened. I've lost my mom and now I lost my dad?? I was outraged by that to the extend I questioned God. I thought God wasn't being fair to me, to us. I don't think I could live any longer if He takes my dad..I know me and my dad, we don't have that kind of close father-daughter relationship like everyone else because my father and my mom were separated when I was a little child. After the divorce, I lived with my mom and I rarely saw him. Growing up without a father..it's sucked..but having a wonderful mom like my own, was a bliss. 

Even though we barely ever talk to each other, I love him. Even though I never show it to him, I do love him.   Even though he never asks me, "how are you?', "how's your grade"?, "how's your study?", "do you have enough money?", etc..I still love him. Even though I never call him, I love him. I just couldn't imagine my life without him..not after my mom died. Ya Allah, please..