It seemed like a perfect day today, I woke up to the chirping of birds in the trees across the street, the sun was shining brightly, and the birds continued singing without a care in the world. Except it was not, not even close. I've had a really, really bad day. Everything that could possibly go wrong, had gone wrong. In fact, I haven't felt this down in a million years.
I woke up unusually early today to prepare for my curriculum evaluation presentation at 3pm. Of course, the slides were all ready, I only have to do some final preparations. To be honest, deep down inside I felt like this was the toughest presentation so far. I just couldn't truly comprehend the materials no matter how much I read the books. Despite the difficulties, I did my best. Staying up all nights (notice it was plural?), preparing the best slides, reading the three unbelievably thick textbooks on curriculum evaluation (and what's with all those scientific jargon? Why can't writers convey their thought in a simplest manner? so that people like me who suck at literature able to understand what it's trying to say!). All week I was secretly wishing and praying hard to God that the class will be canceled so I don't have to present it today, so that I'm left with one more week to better prepare. But life isn't always full with roses. So the class was not cancelled as I had hoped.
Around 12.30 pm, after wrapping up my final preparations, I wanted to print the slides. Guess what happened? My beloved printer decided to have some fun with me. Definitely not the right time to be messing around with a stress woman who's left with 2 and half hour before the presentation. As unreal as it sounds, suddenly my printer stopped working. This was totally unbelievable for me. I used the printer last night and it was okay. Last friggin' night! So who in the world might have thought it would turn out to be like this? So I took a deep breath, breathed in and out a couple of times and I kept reciting bismillah...but it was to no avail. My heart kept telling me that God was testing me this time. I knew it was. After wasting my precious 45 minutes trying to fix the printer, I made up my mind to leave it alone and just print the slides at the cyber cafe. Plus, I was running out of time. It was already 1.15pm and I haven't had my shower. After taking a bath, I decided to try the printer again, and........................................it magically worked! Alhamdulilah..see? I knew God was testing me.
I managed to arrive at class 20 minutes early. Great, I had more than enough time to set up the laptop, projector, LCD and whatnot. I was all calm and positive, when suddenly.......................my sweet orange laptop that is so dear to my heart wanted to play hide and seek with me today, Of all the time! If you must know, my laptop had never ever gave me headache, he was very well-behaved. Oh ya, except that ONE time. When he decided to turn all black, but it was a long time ago and I had already forgiven him. But today, 15 minutes right before presenting, my laptop kept hanging. To my dismay, the projector and LCD did not work as well...Ya Allah..
Luckily my friends was there and they helped me resolved the problem. If it were not for them, I didn't know what would have happened. Dr must be really upset when she turn up to see I was still struggling with the technology. So there..all problems solved!
It was all fine when I began my presentation. I saw my friends and Dr immersed in the presentation and nodded politely at my explanation. I thought everything was going to be okay. But the worst happened. I was in the middle of my presentation when my lecturer asked me to stop. She asked me to stop my presentation and asked me to present another topic instead. She asked me to stop because according to her I missed several points from the book. She asked me to stop because I only missed several points from the book! So wait, I had to stop this presentation and had to do another topic instead? Just because I missed some points from the book??? How ridiculous is that? What about the rest of the slides? Are there all rubbish in it? I took all my points from the book, of course! Ya Allah...only God knows how disappointed I was..to be humiliated like that in front of the class..Okay fine. So I had missed several points from the book, but tak kan solely because of that I need to stop? AND have to do other topic instead? My friends who presented before me pun did not cover the whole book! And she was okay with that. But when it was my turn, just because I missed couple of points, my presentation was rejected! What about giving me a chance to finish my presentation, instead? I had put a lot of effort and hard work in doing the slides, in reading the freaking books, in preparing for today! I was definitely taken aback with what happened. But I tried to put on a big smile across my face. And smiled at her when she said she didn't want to jeopardize my mark, hence the decision. So I nodded respectfully and accepted her decision. After all, she's my superior.
I tried to be positive about all of this. I told myself hey, cheer up! It was actually a good thing she asked me to stop, because I think I wouldn't be able to explain all those critical theories pun even after studying it for a million times. I admitted it was tough. So yey!!!! I don't have to present that and do other topic instead! Isn't it the best?? Of course, it is!!
But no. Thinking of all my hard work, effort and those sleepless nights go to waste..it was heart breaking. Really.
I could accept this if my lecturer told me my slides were full of crab, where did you get the info? or maybe I was awful when presenting, but when she asked me to stop just because according to her, I missed several points from the book, it's hard to understand.
But in a way, God has granting me my wish. To not to present today. That was what I had wished all week. Apparently it did came true. Just not the way I imagined it would be.
After shedding some tears, I guess I feel much better now. Everything has it's own silver lining kan. Maybe ada hikmah behind what had happened today. I don't know..One thing for sure, I felt tested by God. Maybe He did this to me so that I come back to Him..