12.12. 2012

Today is my dad's birthday. Beautiful date, isn't it?

So I text-ed him just now. 

Assalamualaikum ayah..Selamat Hari Lahir. Semoga ayah dipanjangkan umur, murah rezeki, sihat dan gembira selalu di samping keluarga tercinta. Amin. 

Then one second after I hit the send button, I received a call from my dad. 

Here's how the conversation went..

Me: Hello

Dad: Hm. Ada kat mana?

Me: Ada kat Upm sekarang..Ayah sihat? Ma dengan adik sihat?

Dad: Ayah sihat.

Me: Ma sihat? Ma tengah buat ape?

Dad: Tengah buat air.

Me: Adik sihat?

Dad: Adik tengah berlari lari *small laugh*

Me: Hehe..dah besar dah adik..

Dad: Hm.

..........

Dad: Oklah..

Me: Ok ayah.

Me: Selamat Hari Lahir ayah.

Dad: Ok..

End.

So that's it. Nothing else to talk about since we are not very close. Even so, I'm glad he called me. But I should be the one who calls him first. I'm such a horrible daughter, am I? :(

I don't know..it's just so hard for me to pluck the courage to pick up the phone and dial his number. I must change this awful attitude. My relationship with my dad won't improve if i keep being distant. Calling my dad would be my next resolution. So I've decided in an effort to compensate for my wrong doings, I'd call him. Maybe once every two months, for a start? Oh, I guess I should ring my step mom too. I never call her not even once. I'm screwed, isn't it? Truth is, I'd be lying if I say I haven't think about making my relationship with my step mom better, it's just that I don't feel like doing so. We just don't click, you know? Oh well..you must think I need a brainwash, right? But don't get me wrong. Whenever I balik kampung to see her, I would try my very best to mend our relationship. I will suddenly become extra friendly, help her cook, play with my step brother, wake up very early in the morning, laugh at her jokes, become super rajin, and so on. In one word, I'm being nice towards her. 

So how often do you call your parents? 

Sweet tooth

This is one of my favorites. I'm big fan of waffle and so far I think this is the yummiest waffle I've ever had.

Chocolate waffle with ice cream, crushed peanut and chipsmore cookies on top.

As you can see the waffle is quite thick, and is layered with chocolate syrup. The chocolate syrup is just one of a kind! It's so scrumptious and rich, with a hint of milk. Me likey!

But this is only my second time eating this because it's quite pricey (but it was worth it). I only asked for the small one. From now on, no more cakes for me. I only want this for my birthday! I want this when I have a tough day! I want this when I'm sad, mad, moody, depress..This will definitely cheer me up in a second. :)

Those who have a strong liking for sweet foods, you guys have to try this. You can find it at Waffle Stop, Alamanda.

Bad day

Yesterday was a hellish day.

My laptop broke down.

It may sound like hyperbole, but to be having this kind of problem especially at the end of the semester is such a pain in the ass. 

Excuse the language. I was so upset.

I even burst  into tears when I called mister. Sounds ridiculous to be crying over misbehave laptop, right?

But that's how depressed I was. I have tons of assignments to do, all to be submitted next week, and this is not the time to act up. 

Unfortunately, mister was in Tanjung Malim. I had to wait for him to finish his job. 

I was lying in bed the whole day despite the heavy workloads.

Mister only arrived at Upm around 7.30pm.

It was already 8.45pm when we arrived at PAS.

Luckily mister managed to persuade the guy to fix my laptop and get it done by that night.

Reached home around 12pm. 

Everything was fine with my laptop except I couldn't connect to the internet.

Oh my..

Called mister to tell him and burst into tears AGAIN. hahaha..

I'm usually not this "cengeng". I guess the pressure, the workload is finally taking it's toll on me. 

Mister asked me to be patient and promised me he will fix it tomorrow.

But me, with all the pressure, the anxiety and worry of not being able to complete my assignments on time, couldn't be patient any longer.

So we had a fight. A big one. And it was because of me. 

I pity mister. I feel guilty towards him. Sometimes I treat him the way he didn't deserve to. 

He rushed towards Serdang from Tanjung Malim because of me. 

He even declined when his friends asked him to come and join them makan durian.

He has been so tolerant and forgiving with my terrible behaviour. 

But me, kepala angin sangat. Panas baran. Tak penyabar. :( 

I know it's not enough to simply say sorry, but I'm truly sorry..

Today mister had an interview in Subang. He came to see me right after he was done with it.

Alhamdulilah my laptop is working fine now. I pray it will stay this way, at least after I'm done with work. 

Another hellish day, but at least I have someone I can talk to, I can depend to.

Even though sometimes I feel I rely too much on him, making him my security blanket. 

It's not healthy..but I love it. I guess all of us feel secure about the fact that there is someone in this world who loves us, makes us happy, makes life beautiful, fun, and just awesome, can make all the troubles in the world melt away with one look or smile. :)

Crunchy Tempura King Prawns

Not as tasty as it seems/advertised.

Super muak.

Felt like eating cheese instead of pizza.

First and definitely last time. 

p/s: Love garlic bread, always have and always will. :)

Nightmare

The first nightmare I had when I was 18 years old. I had a dream that my mother died. Obviously that was very shocking and in the dream I was crying a lot and couldn't believe it was true. I woke up and found that my face and my pillow were drenched in my tears. Since that painful dream, I kept thinking about that dream. I felt strange because the whole thing seemed so real. I told myself it was just a dream. But that was not the worst thing that happened.

The worst thing that happened was my mom died not long after I had that dream...She's really gone just like in my dream..Leaving me and my brothers and sister behind..To be honest, I knew all along that the dream I had was something else..It was like God was trying to tell me that it's going to happen and that He wanted me to prepare for the time to come..and yes, that was I did. Of course I wasn't prepared for that, but I savored every minute, every last second I spent with her. Even she's gone now, I know I will always be able to see and hear her, because she's treasured deep in my heart. 

Last night marked the second worst nightmare I've ever had. This time around, my dad died. Again, it was very shocking and terrifying. In the dream, I couldn't stop crying because I can't believe what's happened. I've lost my mom and now I lost my dad?? I was outraged by that to the extend I questioned God. I thought God wasn't being fair to me, to us. I don't think I could live any longer if He takes my dad..I know me and my dad, we don't have that kind of close father-daughter relationship like everyone else because my father and my mom were separated when I was a little child. After the divorce, I lived with my mom and I rarely saw him. Growing up without a father..it's sucked..but having a wonderful mom like my own, was a bliss. 

Even though we barely ever talk to each other, I love him. Even though I never show it to him, I do love him.   Even though he never asks me, "how are you?', "how's your grade"?, "how's your study?", "do you have enough money?", etc..I still love him. Even though I never call him, I love him. I just couldn't imagine my life without him..not after my mom died. Ya Allah, please..